There’s this thing we do.  Not all people.  Not just men or just women, but many people and most at some point in their life.  We fight.  We stay.  Long after tears were shed and words exchanged and locks turned on doors.  Long after blame was placed and punishment doled and we shatter to the floor.

This is true for romantic relationships, friendships and family alike.

We were brought up on the idea that you never give up.  You always keep trying.  You find a way and you make it work.  We are so afraid of failing, that we fail to care for ourselves and we allow ourselves to fight for unhealthy relationships.  Because we want to win.  We want to make it right.  We want to “succeed”. To succeed in what?  Oh, yeah, to succeed in living a dream that we imagined as children. Because that’s what “good” people do…right?  They “make it work”.

But what does “working” mean? Where does our happiness lie? Do we feel it and breathe it and know we deserve it? DO WE?

What we were supposed to learn as children was how to compromise.  How to be patient.  How to listen and understand and support our partners/friends when they are down and out.  This does not mean we stand around and take verbal and physical and emotional abuse.  This does not mean we allow ourselves to be doormats and taken for granted.  That isn’t “making it work” – that is making you sick and wounding your heart.  And you deserve better.  We all do.

I don’t care what your disagreement is about.  If it’s about sex or drugs or money.  If it’s about the house or the dog or your mother-in-law.  About your boss or your ex or your dinner plans next week.  You can respectfully discuss these matters.  You can feel loved and supported and understood even if you don’t get your way.  You can know that the other person has your back and honors your opinion (even when they respectfully disagree).

That is winning and making it right.  That is success.  That is “making it work”.

I’m not saying to run away the first time a friend or lover or family member is harsh with you.  What I am saying is there is a way to approach and handle matters.  A way to work through conflict and miscommunication and times of troubles. A way to respectfully and lovingly manage the muck and curve balls that life throws at us.  We can do it together and be stronger than before.  But we must be respectful of one another and honor the people in our lives.

We must be respectful of ourselves and honor ourselves.  And we must ask ourselves when is it time to stay?  And when is it time to walk away?

Just a little food for thought.  Love and hugs.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  Okay, okay the picture is a little intense… But what else was fitting?  I tried.