A lot has changed since early 2020. Everyone was impacted by the global pandemic—some in small ways, some in large. For me, it changed everything.

One week into the shelter-in-place mandate, my boyfriend at-the-time drove to Boston and picked me up so we could shelter-in-place together at his home in Northern New Jersey. His ex-wife had insisted the kids stay with her instead of shuttling them back and forth between their houses, so we seized the opportunity to shelter together and ride out the COVID storm at his house.

We talked about it at length and thought it made a lot of sense. Risky, of course, but it was good for us both. It was a scary time and it would give us both someone to talk to, hug, and walk with—and the added bonus of more time together to see if our long-distance relationship had legs.

Looking back, it was such a bizarre time. The world as we knew it was crumbling and we were in our little love bubble. Everyday he would drive to his ex-wife’s house to work from her basement and help the kids with their Zoom classes—and every night he’d return home and we would cook delicious meals, snuggle on the couch to watch the news and the rising death toll, then get a good night sleep so we could get up early for a homemade latte and morning walk, before we’d do it all over again.

We did this for weeks on repeat. A morning walk, part ways to work for the day, then come together at night for dinner, wine, news, and snuggles. The world was melting and people were dying and our love was blooming as it all came crashing down.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. And we were budding a new life, together.

On the weekends, we’d visit his two sons at his ex’s house to play games, have a meal, and chat about everything going on in the world. Under ordinary circumstances, we wouldn’t be hanging out at her house and I wouldn’t be helping her cook dinner—but these were no ordinary times. We all felt the change taking place. We all felt the uncertainty. And we all benefitted from being together.

After a few months, we realized life would not be returning to pre-pandemic times for a very long time. And so, we had to make some pretty big decisions. Should I return to my apartment in Boston? Should I move to Northern New Jersey? Should we live together?

We decided to live together. And then we got pregnant. And then we got married. And then we bought a bigger house with a bigger yard and the years began to pass.

Over the course of one year, I went from being a single woman living in a one-bedroom apartment in Boston to a wife, mother of three (my birth daughter and two stepsons), and a home owner in the suburbs of Northern New Jersey.

Life had suddenly flipped upside down in the best possible way, but it was a lot to process, with barely any time to process it. The ground just kept moving.

It took years for people to begin returning to the office. There was so much fear and hesitancy about the virus and vaccinations, not to mention many people liked working from home—or needed to work from home due to care taking responsibilities. I was not the only person things had changed for. Most people experienced moderate, if not large-scale, change during this time. It was probably the rare occasion for someone to only be minimally impacted by the changes in society.

I often wonder how much of it has been processed and unpacked, and how much has been left unexamined as we charge forward.

For me, it changed absolutely everything. But I’m no stranger to hard times, chaos, and uncertainty—so I thrived in it, for a time. It was only years later that it began to catch up with me…

I forgot the step about eventually needing to slow down. You can rise to the occasion and brave the change and forge ahead, but at some point, you need to slow down and let it all sink it. You need to feel it and process it. You need to reassess your life under its new circumstances and make adjustments.

Before the pandemic, I was a pescetarian (23 years strong), hiked and practiced yoga regularly, had ample time to meditate or journal or reflect, and could travel on a whim and see live music as much as I wanted. The pandemic—and more importantly, motherhood—changed all that.

I love being married. I love being a mom. And I love being a stepmom. It’s good and it’s hard and my relationship with my husband and all three kids is always changing and evolving.

But it’s not easy to balance work and family life and time for yourself. It can even feel a little soul crushing at times—especially with little ones. There’s often so little time left for yourself when you’re done giving to others.

Sure, there are all kinds of hacks to improve structure and routine, but it’s a process to try new things, implement them, test and learn, and build new habits. It’s a huge cognitive load.

For a time, I managed to balance it all, but then things changed at work–and the job and company I once loved became a source of chaos and stress.

Work had been a place for me to thrive. It was a creative outlet, a place to connect with all kinds of people, and a source of inspiration. But if you change a few people, and move to new projects, it can suddenly feel entirely different. It was no longer safe, steady, and supportive—it was dragging me down and making it harder for me to be the mother I wanted to be.

After many attempts to address the issues at work, and many conversations with my husband, I made the decision to leave the workforce after almost 20 years in the Financial Services Industry.

It’s been a bumpy three months easing into my new phase of life. I’ve finally had the time and bandwidth to look back and process the events of the past four years. And now I’m thinking ahead about what comes next and how I want to channel my energy in this next phase/stage/chapter of life.

There are a lot of unknowns, but one thing is finally certain: it’s time for me to write.

Just saying that makes my eyes water. Time for myself. Time to connect with you. And time to say the things I’ve been waiting to say and share.

So here we go! Buckle up, and get ready, because I have a writing project to kick-off in the coming weeks and I’d love for you to join me on this ride.

“More to come” as they say…

Yours truly,

Erin Terese