Days of Sheringham: Part 1

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Once upon a time, not very long ago, a rogue puffin was spotted on the east coast of England, in the county of Norfolk.  This may not sound very exciting to your average person, but to me, learning this was like finding out Big Foot had just moved in down the hall and was going to be my new neighbor.

I adore puffins. Something about them feels magical to me. Shaped like a penguin, but smaller and more colorful, these beautiful creatures bring a smile to my face every time I see one. Seeing one in the wild has become a bit of a bucket-list item for me.  So to arrive in Sheringham and hear that one was seen not far from here just a few months ago, made my heart skip with delight. Far from home and away from its family, this puffin made its way to Norfolk.  It wasn’t supposed to here. It went rogue. Clearly, we are kindred spirits.

Puffin overlooking the ocean while perched

It’s Thanksgiving and I’m thousands of miles away from my family and friends. Needing time to write and reflect, I booked a two week vacation in England. Much like this rogue puffin, I’m not supposed to be here.  I should be back in the US with loved ones, over-indulging on high calorie food and counting my blessings.  But here I am, on the east coast of England, eating fish and chips and indulging in the gluttony of time-spent-alone.

In a world that moves so fast you can barely remember which version of the iPhone is the newest, taking time to yourself is the ultimate luxury – a betrayal to our role as women.  A woman my age should be married with kids, struggling to pay the mortgage and trying the newest fad diet to lose weight. A woman my age should be recently divorced and worried she might never marry again. A woman my age should be wondering if it’s too late to run away and start over as she sits in the waiting room of yet another job interview, in a field of work she hates. A woman my age should be devastated that she’s single or angry that having children and a family isn’t working out like she planned.  A woman my age should have it all figured out and be happy.  That’s a lot of shoulds.

One thing that’s true in all of those statements, in all of those shoulds, is that women (this goes for men too) are not supposed to slow down and evaluate our lives. We should be this and we should be that, but we are never taught that what we really need to do is slow down and breathe.  Slow down and take stock. Slow down and get to know ourselves and figure out if all the shoulds in our life align with what it is we really want for ourselves.  Who is deciding the shoulds?  Is it us or is it them? And if it’s “them,” who gave them the right?

I’m 35 years old and for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m starting to really understand myself.

The majority of my life I’ve felt like a fraud. A failed version of who I’m supposed to be.  Not really sure who I’m meant to be, I’ve gone from one situation to the next, trying to figure it out. It’s only now that I’m starting to get at the truth:  I’m not supposed to be a certain way.  I’m supposed to design my one life to the best of my ability, and squeeze every ounce of joy, pain, loss, and gratitude from each new experience.  I’m meant to feel.

That’s all for now.  To be continued… Part 2.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  Each part in this series is written by whim, not necessarily in chronological order or any order for that matter.  Enjoy!

I Vow To Hold You In My Heart

Nothing is coincidence, I know this to be true. Each step and breath and instinct, has lead me straight to you. Already we have grown and changed, and loved and learned and saw. The greatest moments we create, when no effort is placed at all. Within your arms I build my home, and there I will reside. And should I ever lose my way, your eyes will be my guide. On this great day and each to come, I vow, my dear, to you. To love and cherish everything, that flows through all you do. I choose you as my friend and partner, lover, constant guide. I vow to hold you in my heart and to these truths abide.

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marriage vow

*This was written for a very dear friend of mine. May she have a lovely wedding and a lifetime of love.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Why am I thankful? Let me tell you.

Last week I gathered with seven of my girlfriends for a lovely Vegan Thanksgiving Dinner.  We have been having meatless dinners every two weeks for the past five months and creating delicious meals that feed our bodies, nourish our souls, and we also happen to have fabulous conversation and wine to wash it all down.  When we first began to meet, we crafted our shared mission, laid out our guidelines and thus began our journey. The thing about journeys, as we have all learned, is that there is so much that is unplanned.  And there in the life and the ish and the serendipity lies the magic.

Thanksgiving is not a Holiday that I normally feel very strongly about.  By now we know that Christopher Columbus was not a very good man and that what was done to the Native Americans was cruel and wrong on so many levels. But we Americans continue to celebrate regardless.  Hopefully most people embrace this holiday as a chance to reflect on what they are thankful for, what makes them grateful and then share these feelings with close friends and family.  I’m not sure about most families, but mine doesn’t typically reflect aloud (although I don’t believe I have ever initiated or suggested that we do). I simply take a moment and say my thanks within my mind, and maybe send a few thankful texts and a Facebook shout out.

During our Vegan Thanksgiving Dinner, my amazing friend Kat mentioned that we forgot to say our thanks.  Wait, people actually do that?  The idea excited me, but I was immediately struck with the thought Oh, crap!  Now I need to think of something quick.  How do you say on the spot what you are thankful for?  Luckily I was second to last, so I had a little time to formulate my answer.  As my friends began to speak, I couldn’t help but to hang on their every word and was completely moved by their answers. Thanks was given for friendship while husbands were away on military leave.  For friendship during breakups and makeups and hard times. For nieces and nephews.  For making new friends, having a safe place to speak and empathetic ears to bend.  For new jobs and traveling adventures. For fertility treatment and twins on the way.  For health and success in business.

While my friends were speaking, I was hit with my answer: I am thankful to be living now, in this day and age.  As a 29 year old single female, I cannot tell you how glad I am to be living in this era.  As women in America, we have the freedom to live our lives as we choose.  Up until recently, women have had to abide by the the lifestyle laid out before them.  This usually consisted of marriage, a lot of babies and tending to the home.  In the last century, women in America have been making great strides.  We can be gay, straight, bisexual, single, married, divorced, educated, fit, overweight, employed, living on welfare, vote, travel, follow whichever religion we choose, pursue whatever career we like, have children, not have children, garden, have a personal chef.  We have the technology, the freedom and the education to play a hand in our fate. We are empowered.

I can choose the life I want and pursue it with little judgment.  Obviously there is judgment in the world, but there is more acceptance and tolerance than ever before.  There is someone in your corner now, cheering you on and propelling you forward.  A century ago, I would have been considered an old hag.  Too old to marry. An outcast.  Or most likely, I would have fallen in line with the steps of society: married, working in the home and having my fourth child. I am so grateful for the life I lead.  My friends and family accept me, I pursue every passion and idea that crosses my mind and strikes my fancy, and I express myself openly and share myself fully.  I know that for every person that judges me, there is someone else reaching out to give me a hug and thank me for being my authentic self.

I am thankful to be empowered.

I am thankful to be living now, in this day and age.

What are you thankful for?

 

Yours truly,

Erin Terese