It’s strange, the feeling of numb.
I normally am overflowing with emotion. The growing presence of lines on my face pays tribute to the laughter, shock, smiles and awe that are regularly expressed. Today I am blank – other than some tears that brim in my eyes. But not wanting to feel them anymore, I push them down and back in as best I can. You can only cry for so long.
A friend of mine was caught in the middle of a senseless act. I am not at liberty to share her name or information about her as the media is chomping at the bit to share the details with the world, and her family is trying to cope and wrap their head around what took place, what is happening now and what life is going to look like going forward. I am waiting for details. Yes, I know she survived, but that is all I know. Not much detail as to the extent of the injuries or how everything played out. All I know I have learned from texts, Facebook messages, one 30 second phone call and the dirty details of the incident in general played out on the news.
I can only imagine what is going on in the hospital. What is going on in her mind. How her family feels.
But really, I do not know much.
It is interesting, this feeling of numb. I could research the psychological reasons why, but I don’t need to. There is only so much intense emotion your mind can handle, before it starts to administer a natural sedation of sorts. I am grateful for it. The time will come when I know what is going on and my emotions can play out in the form of a smile, relief, a tear, worry, concern, happiness… But for now, I will embrace this feeling of numb after almost a full day of intense concern and sadness.
(Just needed to vent a little to you all)
Have you felt the numb? It’s been a while since I have…