Category Archives: Women

Hello Again (and Goodbye Social Media)

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It’s such a time warp to reread my past blog posts.  There have been times I post with great frequency, and other times (the majority of the time) that I write sparingly.

I have grand aspirations of writing a book one day or even posting here more regularly, but somehow life always gets in the way. Or I stand in the way. Or other things grab at my attention…

In January of last year, I quit my job. It’s been a bit of a bumpy transition finding a new groove. My daughter was three years old at the time and every day was, and continues to be, an exhausting and beautiful adventure.

But I’ve also experienced an internal push-and-pull as I figure out who I am as a mother, how I fit into New Jersey culture, and what the heck is happening in our ever-changing world and country. It’s all a lot to process, but at least I have a bit more time to process and reflect these days.

And with that, comes the ability to make some changes. I have made a few.

I’d be curious to know how others are feeling, but it’s harder to tell now, since I decided in January of this year (what is it about January?) to quit social media. Well, almost. I have a lingering LinkedIn account in case I choose to return to a more traditional job, but I permanently deleted my Instagram and Facebook accounts. It was thrilling, but also sad.

I am free of all the social media influencers, the corporate ads, the weird algorithms, and misinformation, but I also don’t see my friends kids growing up or what events are happening in my town. So many businesses post the majority of their updates on social media, I’m now a further step removed from the movers-and-shakers in my area.

But, I’m happy to report, I am reading novels again (not just the self help books I was reading for the past decade), and happily enjoying my printed and digital copies of NY Times, New Yorker, and The Economist. Life still feels crazy and weird and surreal, but it’s a bit smoother as I am returning to a more reliable narrator and well-crafted article or essay.

Although I do miss those baby pics, vacation ideas, and seeing people I knew once upon a time, that I likely will not see or speak to again… We are now having a long overdue and quiet goodbye, as who knows if they’ve even noticed my absence. Social media is so strange like that.

There are a handful of friends I am texting and calling more frequently and for that I am grateful. And I am starting to journal again, however sparse, even adding in printed pictures from a mini printer I bought that syncs to my phone. It’s not the same as Instagram, but I’m enjoying it and hope it will be a nice keepsake for my daughter and stepsons one day.

Forgive me for the meandering post, but I’m out of practice… and give fewer f*cks these days about how I or my writing is perceived.

I am also drinking less alcohol, working out more (though not a lot), cooking healthy meals again, signed up for a CSA (looking forward to more greens and reliable eggs on the shelves), and making more friends. These are some simple, but solid steps to making every day a bit brighter in these winter months and weird political times. I can’t even go there today. Not ready to dive into that mess quite yet—yeesh.

Anyway, I wanted to connect again. To share a tiny update about me and my life. And to see how you, my friends, family, and other unknown readers are doing. Do tell! Do drop me a note in the comments, or send a text or email if you feel so inspired.

We all need to connect more with our loved ones. It’s important to share our stories and hear how everyone else is doing out there. So, hello again! Let’s chat.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S. Here’s a fun pic of a wild rooster wandering the streets of Key West. Something about all those wild chickens roaming the island just made me smile!

The Cocoon Stage

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One of the more surprising things I’ve noticed since I left my job four months ago is the amount of emotional processing I’ve done. After four years of constant growth and change (one might even say upheaval) at home and at work, there’s been a lot to unpack and examine.

I’ve always been someone who spends a lot of time in my head.  Before having kids, one of my greatest indulgences was long walks to think and contemplate—and sometimes cry. It’s something that has kept me grounded, allowed me to dream and plan, and also to explore new ventures or concepts in my mind. An amateur philosopher at heart, I’m happiest when I can explore and make meaning of life, whether it’s writing, reading, conversing, or out exploring in the world.

There were a million reasons I stopped working, but at the end of the day, we could financially afford it and my soul felt a little like it was drowning when I couldn’t indulge that aspect of myself.

And that’s the thing I am learning right now.

What felt like a hobby or a passion or just something I enjoyed, was actually my lifeblood. And when I moved away from the friends and coworkers I had spent countless hours contemplating life and technologies with, I started to feel lost.

During a time that should have been my happiest, and often has been, what I really needed was time to think. To write. To muse. To create.

I could no longer tolerate the hamster wheel of corporate America that I was on… I needed space to hear myself think again.

What a blessing it’s been to have my brain slowly rewire to be more calm, more connected, and yes, more attuned to my emotions. I knew I needed to quit. And the biggest and loudest reasons to leave made sense, but the quietest whisper that pushed it all to an end was me calling myself back home.

And now I am figuring out how to spend my days and what to prioritize. I’m making new friends and volunteering doing stream bank restoration (and learning more about native and invasive plants than I’d ever imagined). I’m more patient and present with my kids. And I’m spending a lot of time confronting the feminist ideas I’ve held, unpacking how capitalism and patriarchy are woven into our society and beliefs, and learning how to trust where my inner voice is guiding me.

It’s really a trip.

I’m getting closer to focusing in on a project that I’m really excited to kick off, but it’s not time yet. I still have more processing to do. More feeling and listening and connecting to my body.

I imagine this is a common tale right now—that millions of people are starting to finally take a breath and a beat after we were thrust into a new way of living in the pandemic and post-pandemic world.

In an ideal world, we would take time to rest and reset after a heartbreak or death or job loss before we dive into another chapter, but life doesn’t always afford us that time—and when it does, we often ignore it.

But there’s a lot of magic and healing that happens in the cocoon stage. It’s not something you should rush through or past. It’s something you should experience and be wholly present for.

So, this is where I am. The cocoon stage. With “more to come” but also, for the first time in a long time, I’m not rushing things.

Yours truly,

Erin

Seasons of Change

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A lot has changed since early 2020. Everyone was impacted by the global pandemic—some in small ways, some in large. For me, it changed everything.

One week into the shelter-in-place mandate, my boyfriend at-the-time drove to Boston and picked me up so we could shelter-in-place together at his home in Northern New Jersey. His ex-wife had insisted the kids stay with her instead of shuttling them back and forth between their houses, so we seized the opportunity to shelter together and ride out the COVID storm at his house.

We talked about it at length and thought it made a lot of sense. Risky, of course, but it was good for us both. It was a scary time and it would give us both someone to talk to, hug, and walk with—and the added bonus of more time together to see if our long-distance relationship had legs.

Looking back, it was such a bizarre time. The world as we knew it was crumbling and we were in our little love bubble. Everyday he would drive to his ex-wife’s house to work from her basement and help the kids with their Zoom classes—and every night he’d return home and we would cook delicious meals, snuggle on the couch to watch the news and the rising death toll, then get a good night sleep so we could get up early for a homemade latte and morning walk, before we’d do it all over again.

We did this for weeks on repeat. A morning walk, part ways to work for the day, then come together at night for dinner, wine, news, and snuggles. The world was melting and people were dying and our love was blooming as it all came crashing down.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. And we were budding a new life, together.

On the weekends, we’d visit his two sons at his ex’s house to play games, have a meal, and chat about everything going on in the world. Under ordinary circumstances, we wouldn’t be hanging out at her house and I wouldn’t be helping her cook dinner—but these were no ordinary times. We all felt the change taking place. We all felt the uncertainty. And we all benefitted from being together.

After a few months, we realized life would not be returning to pre-pandemic times for a very long time. And so, we had to make some pretty big decisions. Should I return to my apartment in Boston? Should I move to Northern New Jersey? Should we live together?

We decided to live together. And then we got pregnant. And then we got married. And then we bought a bigger house with a bigger yard and the years began to pass.

Over the course of one year, I went from being a single woman living in a one-bedroom apartment in Boston to a wife, mother of three (my birth daughter and two stepsons), and a home owner in the suburbs of Northern New Jersey.

Life had suddenly flipped upside down in the best possible way, but it was a lot to process, with barely any time to process it. The ground just kept moving.

It took years for people to begin returning to the office. There was so much fear and hesitancy about the virus and vaccinations, not to mention many people liked working from home—or needed to work from home due to care taking responsibilities. I was not the only person things had changed for. Most people experienced moderate, if not large-scale, change during this time. It was probably the rare occasion for someone to only be minimally impacted by the changes in society.

I often wonder how much of it has been processed and unpacked, and how much has been left unexamined as we charge forward.

For me, it changed absolutely everything. But I’m no stranger to hard times, chaos, and uncertainty—so I thrived in it, for a time. It was only years later that it began to catch up with me…

I forgot the step about eventually needing to slow down. You can rise to the occasion and brave the change and forge ahead, but at some point, you need to slow down and let it all sink it. You need to feel it and process it. You need to reassess your life under its new circumstances and make adjustments.

Before the pandemic, I was a pescetarian (23 years strong), hiked and practiced yoga regularly, had ample time to meditate or journal or reflect, and could travel on a whim and see live music as much as I wanted. The pandemic—and more importantly, motherhood—changed all that.

I love being married. I love being a mom. And I love being a stepmom. It’s good and it’s hard and my relationship with my husband and all three kids is always changing and evolving.

But it’s not easy to balance work and family life and time for yourself. It can even feel a little soul crushing at times—especially with little ones. There’s often so little time left for yourself when you’re done giving to others.

Sure, there are all kinds of hacks to improve structure and routine, but it’s a process to try new things, implement them, test and learn, and build new habits. It’s a huge cognitive load.

For a time, I managed to balance it all, but then things changed at work–and the job and company I once loved became a source of chaos and stress.

Work had been a place for me to thrive. It was a creative outlet, a place to connect with all kinds of people, and a source of inspiration. But if you change a few people, and move to new projects, it can suddenly feel entirely different. It was no longer safe, steady, and supportive—it was dragging me down and making it harder for me to be the mother I wanted to be.

After many attempts to address the issues at work, and many conversations with my husband, I made the decision to leave the workforce after almost 20 years in the Financial Services Industry.

It’s been a bumpy three months easing into my new phase of life. I’ve finally had the time and bandwidth to look back and process the events of the past four years. And now I’m thinking ahead about what comes next and how I want to channel my energy in this next phase/stage/chapter of life.

There are a lot of unknowns, but one thing is finally certain: it’s time for me to write.

Just saying that makes my eyes water. Time for myself. Time to connect with you. And time to say the things I’ve been waiting to say and share.

So here we go! Buckle up, and get ready, because I have a writing project to kick-off in the coming weeks and I’d love for you to join me on this ride.

“More to come” as they say…

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

It’s the last day of 2019

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It’s 10:56 PM and the helicopters are a buzz. We’re closing out the decade and moving into a new one. A brand new decade, brimming with promise and the possibility of dystopian doom. What could be more exciting!

What a time to be alive.

sunrise_in_the_city

Technology is accelerating it’s grip on our daily lives and we’re loving it. Social media has touched every country and every generation of humans. We’re in it together, for better or worse. It’s chaotic and beautiful.  And we’re learning about boundaries, together.

We have everything we need to solve many of the world’s problems. Power is in the palms of the people. Resources are available and if we can learn to work together, we can accomplish just about anything. Even though there are a ton of issues facing our species and our mother-Earth, we have the ability to come together and make real change.  IF we can come to agreement. IF we can work together. IF that’s something humans have the desire or capacity to do.

I am so hopeful and so terrified.

Well, maybe not terrified. I suppose I was terrified. But the more I’ve lived and the more books I’ve consumed, I’ve come to realize we are a fascinating species. We are so diverse in culture and mindset and in just about every way you can imagine, it makes my head spin. In fact, the very idea that we are in-it-together can be argued.  Many people still prioritize themselves first, without concern for their neighbor or neighboring country, let alone folks on the other side of the world. 

We are a planet of humans, living very different lives. Parallel worlds in many ways.

With all this new technology, we should be able to connect to those humans more easily. We should see them as brothers and sisters we’ve yet to meet. Our hearts should double or triple in size as our compassion deepens and our capacity for empathy grows. For the first time in our existence, we can see into the everyday lives of others all around the world, in near real-time. If we can figure out how to harness this for good, imagine what a world we could create!  Rather than seeing how different we are, we can see how similar we are. How beautifully diverse our human family is.

But again, we all have our own mindset.

And that’s perhaps our biggest ray of hope. All over the world, people are waking up to the truth that we create our own reality. That our minds are powerful and we have more choice than we can even fathom.

So rather than make predictions about what new technology will enter our lives or what political powers will come in and out of control or what will happen in my personal life, I’ll simply state that I am hopeful. Always hopeful. That this new decade will see more people coming into their personal power and living their lives more boldly, with open hearts and open minds.

Cheers to 2020 and to all of you!

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Days of Sheringham: Part 1

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Thursday, November 22, 2018

Once upon a time, not very long ago, a rogue puffin was spotted on the east coast of England, in the county of Norfolk.  This may not sound very exciting to your average person, but to me, learning this was like finding out Big Foot had just moved in down the hall and was going to be my new neighbor.

I adore puffins. Something about them feels magical to me. Shaped like a penguin, but smaller and more colorful, these beautiful creatures bring a smile to my face every time I see one. Seeing one in the wild has become a bit of a bucket-list item for me.  So to arrive in Sheringham and hear that one was seen not far from here just a few months ago, made my heart skip with delight. Far from home and away from its family, this puffin made its way to Norfolk.  It wasn’t supposed to here. It went rogue. Clearly, we are kindred spirits.

Puffin overlooking the ocean while perched

It’s Thanksgiving and I’m thousands of miles away from my family and friends. Needing time to write and reflect, I booked a two week vacation in England. Much like this rogue puffin, I’m not supposed to be here.  I should be back in the US with loved ones, over-indulging on high calorie food and counting my blessings.  But here I am, on the east coast of England, eating fish and chips and indulging in the gluttony of time-spent-alone.

In a world that moves so fast you can barely remember which version of the iPhone is the newest, taking time to yourself is the ultimate luxury – a betrayal to our role as women.  A woman my age should be married with kids, struggling to pay the mortgage and trying the newest fad diet to lose weight. A woman my age should be recently divorced and worried she might never marry again. A woman my age should be wondering if it’s too late to run away and start over as she sits in the waiting room of yet another job interview, in a field of work she hates. A woman my age should be devastated that she’s single or angry that having children and a family isn’t working out like she planned.  A woman my age should have it all figured out and be happy.  That’s a lot of shoulds.

One thing that’s true in all of those statements, in all of those shoulds, is that women (this goes for men too) are not supposed to slow down and evaluate our lives. We should be this and we should be that, but we are never taught that what we really need to do is slow down and breathe.  Slow down and take stock. Slow down and get to know ourselves and figure out if all the shoulds in our life align with what it is we really want for ourselves.  Who is deciding the shoulds?  Is it us or is it them? And if it’s “them,” who gave them the right?

I’m 35 years old and for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m starting to really understand myself.

The majority of my life I’ve felt like a fraud. A failed version of who I’m supposed to be.  Not really sure who I’m meant to be, I’ve gone from one situation to the next, trying to figure it out. It’s only now that I’m starting to get at the truth:  I’m not supposed to be a certain way.  I’m supposed to design my one life to the best of my ability, and squeeze every ounce of joy, pain, loss, and gratitude from each new experience.  I’m meant to feel.

That’s all for now.  To be continued… Part 2.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  Each part in this series is written by whim, not necessarily in chronological order or any order for that matter.  Enjoy!

I Vow To Hold You In My Heart

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Nothing is coincidence, I know this to be true. Each step and breath and instinct, has lead me straight to you. Already we have grown and changed, and loved and learned and saw. The greatest moments we create, when no effort is placed at all. Within your arms I build my home, and there I will reside. And should I ever lose my way, your eyes will be my guide. On this great day and each to come, I vow, my dear, to you. To love and cherish everything, that flows through all you do. I choose you as my friend and partner, lover, constant guide. I vow to hold you in my heart and to these truths abide.

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marriage vow

*This was written for a very dear friend of mine. May she have a lovely wedding and a lifetime of love.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Why am I thankful? Let me tell you.

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Last week I gathered with seven of my girlfriends for a lovely Vegan Thanksgiving Dinner.  We have been having meatless dinners every two weeks for the past five months and creating delicious meals that feed our bodies, nourish our souls, and we also happen to have fabulous conversation and wine to wash it all down.  When we first began to meet, we crafted our shared mission, laid out our guidelines and thus began our journey. The thing about journeys, as we have all learned, is that there is so much that is unplanned.  And there in the life and the ish and the serendipity lies the magic.

Thanksgiving is not a Holiday that I normally feel very strongly about.  By now we know that Christopher Columbus was not a very good man and that what was done to the Native Americans was cruel and wrong on so many levels. But we Americans continue to celebrate regardless.  Hopefully most people embrace this holiday as a chance to reflect on what they are thankful for, what makes them grateful and then share these feelings with close friends and family.  I’m not sure about most families, but mine doesn’t typically reflect aloud (although I don’t believe I have ever initiated or suggested that we do). I simply take a moment and say my thanks within my mind, and maybe send a few thankful texts and a Facebook shout out.

During our Vegan Thanksgiving Dinner, my amazing friend Kat mentioned that we forgot to say our thanks.  Wait, people actually do that?  The idea excited me, but I was immediately struck with the thought Oh, crap!  Now I need to think of something quick.  How do you say on the spot what you are thankful for?  Luckily I was second to last, so I had a little time to formulate my answer.  As my friends began to speak, I couldn’t help but to hang on their every word and was completely moved by their answers. Thanks was given for friendship while husbands were away on military leave.  For friendship during breakups and makeups and hard times. For nieces and nephews.  For making new friends, having a safe place to speak and empathetic ears to bend.  For new jobs and traveling adventures. For fertility treatment and twins on the way.  For health and success in business.

While my friends were speaking, I was hit with my answer: I am thankful to be living now, in this day and age.  As a 29 year old single female, I cannot tell you how glad I am to be living in this era.  As women in America, we have the freedom to live our lives as we choose.  Up until recently, women have had to abide by the the lifestyle laid out before them.  This usually consisted of marriage, a lot of babies and tending to the home.  In the last century, women in America have been making great strides.  We can be gay, straight, bisexual, single, married, divorced, educated, fit, overweight, employed, living on welfare, vote, travel, follow whichever religion we choose, pursue whatever career we like, have children, not have children, garden, have a personal chef.  We have the technology, the freedom and the education to play a hand in our fate. We are empowered.

I can choose the life I want and pursue it with little judgment.  Obviously there is judgment in the world, but there is more acceptance and tolerance than ever before.  There is someone in your corner now, cheering you on and propelling you forward.  A century ago, I would have been considered an old hag.  Too old to marry. An outcast.  Or most likely, I would have fallen in line with the steps of society: married, working in the home and having my fourth child. I am so grateful for the life I lead.  My friends and family accept me, I pursue every passion and idea that crosses my mind and strikes my fancy, and I express myself openly and share myself fully.  I know that for every person that judges me, there is someone else reaching out to give me a hug and thank me for being my authentic self.

I am thankful to be empowered.

I am thankful to be living now, in this day and age.

What are you thankful for?

 

Yours truly,

Erin Terese