Tag Archives: forgiveness

Believe

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I believe that people are inherently good.  That darkness and cruelty comes from hurt within – from our heavy and unhealed emotional wounds.  I believe that if we heal ourselves, and release our buried wounds, we can heal the world.  That if we can get to a place where we see others with our heart, rather than through our lenses of pain and insecurity, we will see the beauty and light within all beings.  I believe that once we can see that light, we will share our love, forgive our neighbors and walk the earth with renewed purpose.

I believe we are far more wonderful than we realize.  That we posses an infinite amount of love and that we are hopeful beings.  I believe we can all access this hope, love and light by taking the time to care for ourselves and by following our intuition.  Once we have begun to heal ourselves, we will begin to see a world of hope, love and light.  From this place we can work together toward building a peaceful and harmonious existence.  One in which all are loved, cared for and at peace.  I believe this is possible.  I feel this through every fiber of my being; from the depths of my soul, through the corners of my heart and within the folds of my mind.

believe

I believe that within all of us lies the magnificence of the Universe and the ability to feel the joy of it all.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

The Amazingly Resilient Heart

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He: Baby, I need to talk to you tomorrow night.  Can I come over after work?

Me: Whatever it is, just tell me now.

He: You aren’t going to like it.

Me: Okay, now you really need to tell me.  What’s going on?

He:  I don’t know what to do… I slept with this girl, she’s pregnant, and she’s keeping it. I really need you to be my friend right now.

Me: Wait. What? What are you talking about?  Hold on a sec, I need to pull my car over real quick…

Gasp. Sob. Scream.

In the month preceding this conversation, he had been asking me on an almost daily basis to marry him.  Baby, I can have a ring for you next week if you want one.  While I loved him greatly, deeply and what I now understand is an unhealthy amount, I was hesitant.  We had only been back together for a few months and I wanted to make sure that he had in fact changed, and that we were still a good fit.  Something was off though, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. As it turned out, what was “off” about our relationship was that he was unsure of my love for him and had been seeking comfort in between the legs of his neighbor.

With a shaky voice, he told me all about the other girl and the baby on the way.  Choking back tears, he begged for me to understand, to be his friend and to please stay with him.  Like fools we tried to make it work.  For two months we stayed together. I tried to forgive him, he tried to explain and together we discussed how this was going to work.  Would we get married and share custody?  Would we try for full custody?  Day in and day out, I sat by as he went to doctor visits with her and canceled our plans every time the phone rang with another one of her “emergency situations” – she was a bit of a drama queen and trouble maker.

Finally, my heart hit the wall and I could not stand any more pain.  Two months of fighting back tears at work, crying myself to sleep every night and living in a constant state of anxiety, almost broke me.  For the sake of my sanity and realizing that I deserved better, I gathered my strength and walked away.

His son turned four this week.

My biggest fear was that I would become bitter and build a wall around my heart.  What happened was the opposite.  Sure, I was bitter with a wall up for a while (a long while actually), but ultimately my heart healed itself into a bigger and stronger version.  I feel like I have the heart of a champion now.  I swear!  I constantly surprise myself with my ability to be vulnerable, open to love and simultaneously, open to rejection. What could have ruined me and made me a bitter old hag, has actually softened me and made me more compassionate.  I could have forever hid behind a wall or shield around my heart, but I long to feel loved again and have faith that I can heal again if I need.  I am not giving myself kudos here; I am simply stating that the heart is amazingly resilient.  That if you allow it time to heal, and really and truly want to move forward, you will – and you will be even stronger when you do.

Just a little reflection on where I am now versus were I was four years ago at this time: in a drunk puddle of hysterical tears.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  Yes, it got worse before it got better.  Read this.

Grieve It and Let It Go.

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After receiving some very heartfelt comments on my last post and reflecting on my personal experience with grief, I would like to discuss the importance of grieving loss.  It took me twenty years to let go of a sorrow I had not dealt with properly. While trying to heal my broken heart from a failed relationship, I discovered I had not properly dealt with the death of my grandfather.  Here are a few words on what I learned:

Grieving loss is extremely vital in the healing process.  In order to move past the loss and approach life with passion, zest and a solid sense of self, we must address the loss we experience.  Whether the loss is the death of a loved one, the death of a marriage (AKA divorce) or a life altering illness (death of a planned future), we must face and acknowledge the loss and deal with all of the emotions that come with it.

Mourning and grieving affect people differently.  Some people cry. Some people argue.  Some people drink. Some people have sex. Some people shout from the Facebook Mountain Top!  While all of these things may help release tension in the moment, what is most effective long-term is taking time to think.  Time to reflect.  You need to uncover why you are so sad and lost.  Are you lonely?  Do you feel abandoned?  Are you afraid you will never be loved again?  Do you feel unworthy of love?  What do you really want out of life?  What would truly make you happy?  As you address these questions, you may need to dig back, way back, through your life to get to the root of the answers.  This is one of the reasons people often feel as if they are moving backward in the healing process; the feeling of being more lost and more lonely than before the healing process began.  This is totally normal. Really, it is!

Here is what is happening:  as you uncover why you feel a certain way about something, you are able to see how that has affected your life.  These deep seeded issues affect how we treat others, how we treat ourselves and how we view the world.  It is common to feel guilty that you didn’t recognize and address this earlier. If you find yourself holding on to guilt, you need to let it go.  Holding on to it benefits no one.  You need to forgive yourself.  Part of this process is apologizing to those you have wronged.  People may be receptive to your apology or they may not; and that is okay.  The point is that you are taking ownership over your choices. You are taking control over the direction of your life.

Now, if the person you have wronged is yourself, then issue a heartfelt apology to yourself.  Vow to make a change.  Promise yourself you will treat yourself better.  Forgive yourself and move forward.  Continue on the healing path and allow yourself as much time as you need.  Each person heals in their own time; there is no standard time frame.  The important thing is that you keep going until you are able to release all of the things that have been weighing you down and holding you back.

Reading this, hell, knowing this, will obviously not change things overnight.  The change starts with you.  You have to want more for yourself.  You have to be willing to take a hard look at your life and your choices.  But honestly, you are amazing.  You are.  If the world hasn’t acknowledged you for it, it’s only because you are still holding back.  You are amazing and you need to get comfortable with that fact.  Be your authentic self and tackle your issues.  I promise that if you move forward with the intent of living a life filled with love, passion and purpose, peace will find you.  Just keep moving.  Do not be discouraged by the length of time it takes.  This process will yield one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive: inner peace and a deep love for yourself.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese