Category Archives: Uncategorized

It’s the last day of 2019

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It’s 10:56 PM and the helicopters are a buzz. We’re closing out the decade and moving into a new one. A brand new decade, brimming with promise and the possibility of dystopian doom. What could be more exciting!

What a time to be alive.

sunrise_in_the_city

Technology is accelerating it’s grip on our daily lives and we’re loving it. Social media has touched every country and every generation of humans. We’re in it together, for better or worse. It’s chaotic and beautiful.  And we’re learning about boundaries, together.

We have everything we need to solve many of the world’s problems. Power is in the palms of the people. Resources are available and if we can learn to work together, we can accomplish just about anything. Even though there are a ton of issues facing our species and our mother-Earth, we have the ability to come together and make real change.  IF we can come to agreement. IF we can work together. IF that’s something humans have the desire or capacity to do.

I am so hopeful and so terrified.

Well, maybe not terrified. I suppose I was terrified. But the more I’ve lived and the more books I’ve consumed, I’ve come to realize we are a fascinating species. We are so diverse in culture and mindset and in just about every way you can imagine, it makes my head spin. In fact, the very idea that we are in-it-together can be argued.  Many people still prioritize themselves first, without concern for their neighbor or neighboring country, let alone folks on the other side of the world. 

We are a planet of humans, living very different lives. Parallel worlds in many ways.

With all this new technology, we should be able to connect to those humans more easily. We should see them as brothers and sisters we’ve yet to meet. Our hearts should double or triple in size as our compassion deepens and our capacity for empathy grows. For the first time in our existence, we can see into the everyday lives of others all around the world, in near real-time. If we can figure out how to harness this for good, imagine what a world we could create!  Rather than seeing how different we are, we can see how similar we are. How beautifully diverse our human family is.

But again, we all have our own mindset.

And that’s perhaps our biggest ray of hope. All over the world, people are waking up to the truth that we create our own reality. That our minds are powerful and we have more choice than we can even fathom.

So rather than make predictions about what new technology will enter our lives or what political powers will come in and out of control or what will happen in my personal life, I’ll simply state that I am hopeful. Always hopeful. That this new decade will see more people coming into their personal power and living their lives more boldly, with open hearts and open minds.

Cheers to 2020 and to all of you!

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

The Growing Process

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How long has it been? Nine years?  Thirty-four years? Maybe a thousand glasses of wine, two thousand miles of coastal exploration and fifteen gallons of tears? Who knows.

However you choose to measure it, what’s most surprising to me is the cyclical nature of growth.

I’ve been analytical for as long as I can remember.  My loving mother spent many a nights with me as a child, listening to me vent, helping me talk through my confusion, stifling a smile or laugh or look of horror as I explored the corners of my mind.

I have always been curious.  But it was about nine years ago that I was brought to my knees and was forced to look at the world with new eyes.  Forced to see how my choices, my view of the world and the people I choose as my tribe impact every facet of my life.

We want to believe that once we learn a lesson, we can check it off the list and move forward. Ah-ha! I have learned to have patience.  I was patient in that situation, therefore I am now a patient person… check, check, check.

Sadly, this is not how this works. It is not that easy.

All of our lessons and areas for growth will loop back around.  We will be confronted with choices and situations that will make us rise to the occasion again and again.

Can you be patient in this situation? Can you be loving in that situation? Can you show compassion to that person? Can you exercise healthy boundaries now?

Let’s unpack this a little bit more.

For most of my life, communicating my true feelings was not easy for me.  I had so much fear about what people would think, who I might offend, not to mention I often didn’t know how I was feeling.  Years of mindfulness and meditation have helped me understand myself better.  Writing has helped me articulate myself better.  Having hard conversations where I feel like I might throw up or faint, run away or cry, has helped me grow and create better relationships, with both family, friends and lovers.

growth process

But is it ever really easy?  It is ever really done?  Do we ever really know exactly what to say, exactly how to say it, when to say it and what actions will validate our best intention-ed words?

Hell to the no.

We try. We try again and again. And it does get a little bit easier. You learn that you can and will survive these scary situations, but it doesn’t mean you enjoy it or that you don’t mess up.

The same can be said for confidence, worthiness, self-care, mindfulness, authenticity, vulnerability, courage… we learn what it is and how to do it. And then we learn it again. And again. And again.

Each time we will be tested differently. Each time we will respond a little bit differently.  Each time will learn a little bit more.

And hopefully along the way, we learn to offer ourselves some compassion. Offer and acknowledge how far we’ve come and how well we are doing. Knowing that we all make mistakes, we all have greatness and we all have so much to learn.

The best thing I can offer myself today (and maybe you can relate) is to cut myself some slack.

We are all doing the best we can. I honestly believe that. We will trip and fall, hurt people and hurt ourselves, impress others and exceed our own expectations, time and time again.

I think what is most important is that we are always true to ourselves.  That we honor our values and uphold our integrity.  This way, we can always hold our head high. And if, er’ when we mess up, we know exactly where to go back to.

We go back to our true self.  The one that wants to love and be loved.  The one whose hopes and dreams pulse through our veins. The one who hears this with their heart.

Yours truly,

Miss Erin Terese

P.S. Happy 11:11 ❤

Dearest Poet of the North

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Dearest Poet of the North,

There have been several occasions whereby you have single-paragraphedly saved my life.  In order for you to be properly acquainted with myself, you ought to be aware of the circumstances leading up to where your words found me.

My humble upbringing and lack of any real culture or exposure, never seemed just.  How was I born into such conditions, with uncivilized creatures that know no taste beyond that of fried animals and music fit for the back of a mud-laden pickup up truck?

Fleeing the shambles of the unfortunate existence I was forced to endure, in a life of full of strangers, I made my way to California by way of an Amtrak train. Exhausted from a lifetime of trivial conversation, commands from large sweaty men claiming to know best, and completely emaciated and malnourished due to the aforementioned culinary fare which you could hardly expect me to consume – I arrived in the Golden State as a dark shadow – a mere speck of the light you know we are to emanate.

My sore eyes could hardly keep lift.  Should there have been toothpicks in my purse, I quite literally would have shoved them in my eyelids to prop them open.  But with lack of toothpicks or a phone to dial, I sat down in the bustling train depot, shoved my worn leather bag with a poorly sewn, mismatched patch, against the wall, and rested my weary legs not-so-gracefully on the floor.

Hours later, I awoke to a pair of workman boots with faded yellow laces, standing harshly next to my drool soaked cheek, pressed sadly against the cold tile floor. The boots shuffled away, and as they did, a piece of paper drifted my way, with your words written on it.  They found me.  I read them, relished them, folded them neatly in my wallet and propelled myself into the night, fueled by the sentiment.

One month later, faring no better, I kept your words with me where I went.  I took shade under the elm trees, and drifted off with your syllables dancing around my head, like sugar plum fairies coming to grant me a wish.  This time when I awoke, it was to the loud voice of a man, growling in his throat, asking if I was okay.  Sensing I was in need, he opened his home to me, bathed me in a porcelain tub with clawed feet and handed me a robe. Wanting more than anything to believe this was an act of concern, I smiled – but his dark eyes and musky scent suggested otherwise. But, from your words, I drew my strength.

In exchange for his “kindness”, I gave him my body.  When he finished, I clamored off his hairy chest, his lungs full of lies, of desire to help, so that I may write to you, my Poet of the North.  Your words brought me here, to this fortress of marble and gold coated artwork.  And by your words, I know it’s not long before we meet. Each word in your poem speaks to me and nourishes me like light for the blind. I know now, by the words you shared and the way they found me, that you meant them for me – and that I am being led to you.  A leaf on the wind and shining fallen star, heading your way.

Until we meet,

Yours

 

*note from Miss Erin Terese*

P.S.  The letter above is the first piece I have written for a 10 week Writers Workshop I am participating in.  The exercise was to create a first person persona narrator in an addled and/or altered psychological state who is writing a letter to someone he or she admires – using a formal tone.

In the interest of growing in my writing technique, style and tone, I will be sharing my pieces here.  They will all be fictional, so don’t be too worried thinking the scenes are true to my life (for those that know me personally).

I hope you enjoy!  xo

Let the Journey Begin!

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I am taking a leap of faith and following my instincts.

Like a five year old child, unable to sleep, knowing that there will be presents under the Christmas tree in the morning.  Like the scent of rain on the wind, long before the forecast was checked or a dark cloud seen.  Like the moment just before your lips touch your lover’s for the first time, locking in a passionate kiss.  Yes, just like that, I can feel something good is coming.

For most of my life, I have trusted my logical mind.  When push came to shove and important choices needed to be made, logic won over emotions and feelings almost every time.  This type of thinking kept me safe and secure, but did not do a wonderful job of making me feel happy and satisfied.  I was still longing for more, without really knowing what more I was looking for.  Over the past few years I have tried to find a better balance of following my mind, my heart and instinct.  Not surprisingly, the main thing holding me back was fear.  Fear of change.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of being judged.  Fear of failing.

Thankfully I realized the fear holding me back could only be released by me.  After all, it was placed there by me, so it was going to be up to me to figure it all out.  That kind of work must be done within.  As much as I love the idea of throwing money at the situation to fix it or using a Band-Aid to cover it up, no dollar amount or bandage can fix the fear – it can only be released by the owner and operator, Yours Truly.

Right now I am in a really good place.  This past year I have been picking up speed like a snowball turning into an avalanche (just ask my friends). I am releasing my past.  Confronting my demons.  Facing my fears. Taking on challenges. Falling down, dusting off, and trying again! Listening to my body.  Quieting my mind.  Following my spiritual light.  I am learning to trust (and rely on) my feelings and emotions more than my logical mind.  This is huge for me.

So here we are on this journey.  And I do not say we just to engage you, dear reader.  I say it because we are all on a journey together right now – this is part of the change I feel.  Recently, I have seen strangers becoming kinder and more patient.  I have watched close friends and family become more open and vulnerable. I have witnessed physical, mental and spiritual transformations result from the simple thought of wanting a better life.  These changes are not a result of a longing for more money or fame.  These changes are happening because we as humans are awakening to an inner desire to become the truest and best version of our self – whatever that may be. We are trying.

“For those of you who don’t know, December 21st 2012 is regarded as the end of a 5,125-year-long cycle in the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar otherwise known as the Mayan Calendar. New age interpretation of this date is that it marks the start of a time in which Earth and its inhabitants will undergo a positive physical or spiritual transformation, and that it may mark the beginning of a new era (Note: Various astronomical alignments and numerological formulae have pointed to this date though it’s still debatable).” – The Lotus Effect.

I am taking a leap of faith and following my instincts.  Something good is coming.

All I know for sure, is that it is my job to prepare for it.  Not the typical preparedness that involves formal education or purchasing emergency goods, but rather internal preparedness.  I have never been this focused or passionate about caring for my mind, body and soul and helping others around me.  I know with every fiber of my being, that now is a time to feed my body nutrient rich food, sleep well, exercise and purify my body of toxins. That now is a time to quiet my mind and be open to new possibilities.  Now is a time to be patient, forgiving and speak with more love than ever before.

Yes, just like that, I can feel something good is coming.

What have you been experiencing?  Any tips, advice or ideas to share?  Please, all thoughts are welcome.  We are in this together.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese