Tag Archives: Self Exploration

The Growing Process

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How long has it been? Nine years?  Thirty-four years? Maybe a thousand glasses of wine, two thousand miles of coastal exploration and fifteen gallons of tears? Who knows.

However you choose to measure it, what’s most surprising to me is the cyclical nature of growth.

I’ve been analytical for as long as I can remember.  My loving mother spent many a nights with me as a child, listening to me vent, helping me talk through my confusion, stifling a smile or laugh or look of horror as I explored the corners of my mind.

I have always been curious.  But it was about nine years ago that I was brought to my knees and was forced to look at the world with new eyes.  Forced to see how my choices, my view of the world and the people I choose as my tribe impact every facet of my life.

We want to believe that once we learn a lesson, we can check it off the list and move forward. Ah-ha! I have learned to have patience.  I was patient in that situation, therefore I am now a patient person… check, check, check.

Sadly, this is not how this works. It is not that easy.

All of our lessons and areas for growth will loop back around.  We will be confronted with choices and situations that will make us rise to the occasion again and again.

Can you be patient in this situation? Can you be loving in that situation? Can you show compassion to that person? Can you exercise healthy boundaries now?

Let’s unpack this a little bit more.

For most of my life, communicating my true feelings was not easy for me.  I had so much fear about what people would think, who I might offend, not to mention I often didn’t know how I was feeling.  Years of mindfulness and meditation have helped me understand myself better.  Writing has helped me articulate myself better.  Having hard conversations where I feel like I might throw up or faint, run away or cry, has helped me grow and create better relationships, with both family, friends and lovers.

growth process

But is it ever really easy?  It is ever really done?  Do we ever really know exactly what to say, exactly how to say it, when to say it and what actions will validate our best intention-ed words?

Hell to the no.

We try. We try again and again. And it does get a little bit easier. You learn that you can and will survive these scary situations, but it doesn’t mean you enjoy it or that you don’t mess up.

The same can be said for confidence, worthiness, self-care, mindfulness, authenticity, vulnerability, courage… we learn what it is and how to do it. And then we learn it again. And again. And again.

Each time we will be tested differently. Each time we will respond a little bit differently.  Each time will learn a little bit more.

And hopefully along the way, we learn to offer ourselves some compassion. Offer and acknowledge how far we’ve come and how well we are doing. Knowing that we all make mistakes, we all have greatness and we all have so much to learn.

The best thing I can offer myself today (and maybe you can relate) is to cut myself some slack.

We are all doing the best we can. I honestly believe that. We will trip and fall, hurt people and hurt ourselves, impress others and exceed our own expectations, time and time again.

I think what is most important is that we are always true to ourselves.  That we honor our values and uphold our integrity.  This way, we can always hold our head high. And if, er’ when we mess up, we know exactly where to go back to.

We go back to our true self.  The one that wants to love and be loved.  The one whose hopes and dreams pulse through our veins. The one who hears this with their heart.

Yours truly,

Miss Erin Terese

P.S. Happy 11:11 ❤

Writing for Personal Growth

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This misserinterese blog serves me in many ways.  It began as a way for me to write more – whatever that meant. I was being called to write.  As if out of nowhere, I was bitten by the writing bug and I needed to have more of it.  It consumed me.  And like any great love, when you find it you want to share it and shout your love from the rooftop!  This particular love is a little more personal and left me open to criticism, but sharing it was worth it. I had to.  Whether people would say I had poor writing skills or that my ideas were ridiculous, I had to share them.  It could no longer be contained.  It was time.

I had tried keeping a journal before, but I was not very consistent with it and I tended to ramble on without much direction.  Essentially, it was word vomit on a page and usually when I read it again later, I would be embarrassed by my crude writing and dramatic stories.  This blog allows me to explore my emotions and aspects of life in a more structured format.  I take a bit more care in crafting my thoughts, my sentences and my stories knowing they will be read by others.  Rather than word vomit on the page of a journal, it becomes an article, a poem, a short essay explaining in detail each thought, idea and situation.  Each post comes from the heart and with great reflection and care poured into each word.  Since the blog is shared publicly and available for me to reread many times over, it is important for me that it represents me accurately – and it does.

writingWhy am I telling you this now?  It is at the request of one of my readers.  She asked me to write about why I journal/blog and what the benefits are for growth.

The benefits have been huge for me.  I have more self confidence and feel much more self aware.  When you are going to share your ideas with an audience, it really makes you dig deep to find your voice.  It is not a time to be timid or shy; it is a time to be authentic and vulnerable. My greatest posts and those that are most well-received are those that explore not only my strengths, but my weaknesses as well.  People want to know how to learn. How to better themselves.  How to take the mess of their thoughts, pick them up, dust them off and organize them into something beautiful.  We all struggle at times in our life.  Hell, most of us struggle with something on a daily basis.  The pressure to be perfect can make anyone feel as if they are losing their grip.  Reading other people’s stories and sharing my own, helps remind me that we are all in this together.  That we are here to learn from one another.  That my stories of overcoming hurt and heartbreak and learning to be mindful might be beneficial, not only to me, but to you as well.

Lastly, writing breathes life and meaning into the thoughts that dance their way through my head.  When I put pen to paper, or fingers on keyboard, I am able to take those thoughts and string them together into something that makes sense.  Something that reveals a little more about who I am and what I am learning.  Somewhere between the key strokes and punctuation marks, my voice finds its home.  My thoughts lay to rest and I am able to breathe easy knowing that I have explained myself fully.  And whether anyone else learns more about me, more about themselves or more about life in general, I have learned more about myself, and that is worth everything to me. The act of knowing thyself is ongoing; it’s a process we will continue until our last breath.  And every time I uncover another layer of myself and the depth to which I am capable of, it’s like unwrapping a gift. It’s just beautiful.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  Do you journal/blog and how has it helped you?

Learning to be Mindful

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This post was written for The Lotus Effect – a group created to aid in Spiritual Development.  Enjoy!

Today’s challenge is one I hope you all choose to partake in.  This challenge lasts for one full waking day.  From the time you wake until the time you drift into a peaceful sleep, I want you to be mindful of your thoughts, actions and the words you speak.

Mindful

Our Mind is an amazing tool.  We use it to assign words and values to people and things.  We remember past experiences and formulate wishes and hopes for our future.  It is an amazing and beautiful tool we use to help express our soul and emotions. But I want you to “keep in mind” that your mind is a tool – it is not you.  It is a tool to help you. And as we all know by now, your mind can also speak words of doubt, hurt, conspiracy and gossip.

I want you to be mindful of the words that are passing through your mind and across your lips.  Are they serving you?  Do the words in your mind express doubt and uncertainty?  Do the words you speak express love and acceptance?  Are the words you think and speak reflecting who you are?  Does it reflect your spirit?

All of us participating in The Lotus Effect are trying to open our mind and our heart to a more loving and peaceful existence here in our bodies.  We need to eliminate our self-doubt, negative thinking and judgment of others.  Our primary concern during this process is finding peace and love within, thereby allowing us to share this wonderful state of being with others.  We are looking inward.  As you catch yourself having negative thoughts and conversations throughout the day, I want you to stop and recognize them.  This is not to say you shouldn’t explore why you are having these negative thoughts and speaking in such a manner, but today I want you to realize how much of your energy is spent in this area.  Until we understand how our mind is perceiving our experience, how will we know where to start our healing and what issues need to be addressed.

Do not feel badly about your negative thoughts and words you speak, just recognize that they are there.  If you so choose, feel free to correct your thoughts with a positive affirmation or stop your gossip or conversation in its tracks by changing topics.  But for now, the most important thing is that you observe yourself.  I want you to experience your thoughts and interactions as if for the first time.  Let them resonate with you. What is your mind doing and is it serving you?  Your mind is a tool and is here to help you live the life your innermost self is meant to live.  Do not let your mind get in the way.  Your mind is not going to like this challenge, but your soul, spirit and inner light (whichever you choose to call it) will love this.

Ultimately, we want to trust our intuition and soul.  Part of this is learning the language we have taught our mind to use, and training it to work in a manner that serves us now.  Whether this means quieting your mind, calming negative thoughts or learning to be present rather than thinking about the past and future, we need to first see where our mind is going and what we are doing in there.

This exercise is to know your Self and better understand your inner workings.

It is more challenging than you think.  Please re-read this challenge, take it all in, turn on the Awareness Button and observe your thoughts and the words you speak all day.  Be Mindful of your Self. Once you are aware of how your Mind is serving you and how it is viewing the world around you, you can better assess what areas and issues are in most need of your loving attention.  We all have issues, triggers from our past and hidden things from our childhood that flow in the undercurrent of our emotions.  This exercise is to help you see what parts of you may need healing.  What issue is manifesting itself as impatient, judgmental, anxious, nervous, worried, lonely, overly busy, overly concerned?Be mindful of your thoughts.  Be mindful of your actions.  Be mindful of your words.  Be mindful of your inner voice that speaks through the knot in your throat, the pit in your stomach and the butterflies in your heart.  Be mindful – all – day – long!

Now, re-read, turn on the Awareness Button and observe.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Whispers In The Night

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“But, Mom…I don’t want to go to sleep” I shouted! Slowly I raised my head to meet her gaze and saw her eyes were brimming with tears.  Although I was pulsing with energy and had no desire to sleep, my Catholic guilt kicked in and I could not bare to further exhaust my mother. I hung my head, turned my feet and shuffled down the long lonely hallway to my bedroom.

Ever so lightly, I pushed my bedroom door, causing it to swing open and reveal my haven – four eggshell walls with one hanging mirror and two large windows. A tall, wooden chest of drawers and small bookshelf held most of my worldly possessions – including my favorite teddy bear, teeny tiny animal figurines and rock collection.  A soft powder blue comforter with small white and yellow flowers draped across my Queen size bed. It was much too large for a girl my age, but I was ever so grateful my Aunt gifted it to me when she moved.  Since my family didn’t have much money, it was quite the luxury item.

Already dressed for bed and teeth brushed, I plopped down on my mattress, laid back and relaxed.  Fluffing the pillow underneath my head, I stared at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and braced myself for what I knew would be hours before I’d be able to drift into dreamland.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

My warm brown eyes turned to the doorway where my beautiful mother stood. She walked over to my bed, leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Good night, sweet angel” she whispered and floated out of the room, closing the door behind her and extinguishing the light. “Good night, Mom!” I said loudly and wondered if she heard me.

Just then, a cool gentle breeze swept through the open window, caressing my face and bringing me back to the present moment.  Falling asleep was never an easy task for me.  I would much rather have been sitting on the couch, falling asleep to the glow of the TV than try and attempt this.  My mind was active; I knew this to be true.  No other children seemed to speak about this problem, so I assumed it was something only I dealt with. I hoped that I was not the only one, but I dared not risk embarrassing myself by asking a schoolmate.

My inner dialogue was intense and draining. I often tried to quiet my mind, but was unable.

Thoughts to myself:          It must be so much easier as an adult!  No one tells you what to do.  No one questions your every move. No one discounts the value of your opinion. Being a kid is hard! I don’t feel like a young, naive child like the adults view me.  While my parents claim to understand me, I know that they don’t really understand me. I know this because when I asked them if I could fly to Grandpa’s funeral in order to say goodbye, they firmly said “No”.  I mean, I know that our family isn’t rich and that we cannot afford to send everyone, but I want to go. I need to go and say goodbye to him. I cried, and begged, and pleaded.  But since I am a young girl that just barely learned to tie her shoes, they do not understand why it is necessary for me.

(And so begins the rambling dialogue in my mind)

My mind:            WHY? Why is this? Why won’t they listen to me?  Hello!  Is anyone listening?  God?  An angel? Future self?  A ghost?  Someone please answer.  I am so lost…

Whispers in the Night:   Yes, I hear you, my darling. You have to forgive your parents, for they are just doing their best to care for you and your family.

My Mind:            But if they really wanted to care for me and do what is best, wouldn’t they allow me to go and say goodbye? I shunned my grandfather the last time I saw him.  My parents told me he was sick, so I refused to hug him.  It was only later I learned I could not catch his illness. They promised me I could hug him the next time I saw him and that it would be okay.  And now he is dead.  Shouldn’t they understand that I need to tell him I’m sorry and say goodbye?

Whispers in the Night:   I know that is how you would like them to react.  They are your parents and you have been taught that they are there to take care of you and do what is best for you.  My dear, you need to realize they were children just like you once.  They make mistakes.  They are not perfect.  They do love you and you should not fault them for not understanding how important this is to you.

My Mind:            But I am just so angry and hurt.

Whispers in the Night:  That is part of the grieving process.  It is completely natural to be hurting.  Your parents, sister and the rest of your family are hurting too.  Trust me, your grandfather knows you love him.

My Mind:            Does he?

Whispers in the Night:   Yes.

My Mind:            Are you sure he knows?

Whispers in the Night:   Yes, I am sure.

Thoughts to myself:          Oh this is so infuriating! Who is this voice that is answering me? Okay, okay, so maybe my parents do make mistakes.  But, hello!  This is one of those mistakes! I swear I will not be this way as an adult.  I will listen to my child and know that their opinion and the words they speak have value.  When I am an adult, I will remember how smart I was as a child and just how angry it made me when people spoke down to me for being “just a kid”.  Humph!  How can they overlook my aching heart and ignore my well spoken plea? I wonder why they don’t understand me.

My Mind:            Hello?  Are you still there?  Why don’t my parents know that I am smart?

Whispers in the Night:   They know you are smart.  They know you are kind.  They just do not remember what it is like to be a child.  They forget how confusing of a time it is and they are too wrapped up in their daily routines to take the time and remember.

My Mind:            Oh.  So what should I do?

Whispers in the Night:   You should understand that your parents are human and make mistakes.  You should forgive them, love them, and not hold every little thing you do not like against them.  You should send a prayer to your grandfather and tell him goodbye; this will help you heal your heart.  You may not see him or hear his voice, but know that he loves you.

My Mind:            But can’t you help me find a way to convince them I need to go?

Whispers in the Night:   I am sorry my dear, I cannot.  You need to accept that you will not attend the funeral, and that it is okay you are not present.  You can say goodbye from the privacy of your room and he will hear you just the same.

My Mind:            Are you sure?

Whispers in the Night:   Yes, I am sure.

My Mind:            Thank you for helping me to understand.  Are you God?  Are you an Angel?  Who are you?

Whispers in the Night:   Sweet girl, it doesn’t matter who or what I am.  I am here to help guide you.  I will always be here for you.

My Mind:            But how will I find you?

Whispers in the Night:   You will find me the same way that you did tonight.  Just quiet your mind, focus your question and ask.  Then be silent and I will whisper to you.  I am here now, and will always be here with you.  Now go to sleep, my darling.

My Mind:            Ok, I will try.

Thoughts to myself:          I feel so much better!  I cannot wait to be an adult.  I wonder when I will find out who guided me tonight.  I bet I will know when I am an adult.  I think it was God. Well, maybe God’s voice sounded a little too much like my own.  Mom always talks about guardian angels, maybe it was an angel?  Dad loves science fiction, so maybe it was future me giving young me advice?  That’d be cool!  Wow, I sure can’t wait to be an adult so I can figure it all out.  Adults have it so easy.

THE END

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Let the Journey Begin!

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I am taking a leap of faith and following my instincts.

Like a five year old child, unable to sleep, knowing that there will be presents under the Christmas tree in the morning.  Like the scent of rain on the wind, long before the forecast was checked or a dark cloud seen.  Like the moment just before your lips touch your lover’s for the first time, locking in a passionate kiss.  Yes, just like that, I can feel something good is coming.

For most of my life, I have trusted my logical mind.  When push came to shove and important choices needed to be made, logic won over emotions and feelings almost every time.  This type of thinking kept me safe and secure, but did not do a wonderful job of making me feel happy and satisfied.  I was still longing for more, without really knowing what more I was looking for.  Over the past few years I have tried to find a better balance of following my mind, my heart and instinct.  Not surprisingly, the main thing holding me back was fear.  Fear of change.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of being judged.  Fear of failing.

Thankfully I realized the fear holding me back could only be released by me.  After all, it was placed there by me, so it was going to be up to me to figure it all out.  That kind of work must be done within.  As much as I love the idea of throwing money at the situation to fix it or using a Band-Aid to cover it up, no dollar amount or bandage can fix the fear – it can only be released by the owner and operator, Yours Truly.

Right now I am in a really good place.  This past year I have been picking up speed like a snowball turning into an avalanche (just ask my friends). I am releasing my past.  Confronting my demons.  Facing my fears. Taking on challenges. Falling down, dusting off, and trying again! Listening to my body.  Quieting my mind.  Following my spiritual light.  I am learning to trust (and rely on) my feelings and emotions more than my logical mind.  This is huge for me.

So here we are on this journey.  And I do not say we just to engage you, dear reader.  I say it because we are all on a journey together right now – this is part of the change I feel.  Recently, I have seen strangers becoming kinder and more patient.  I have watched close friends and family become more open and vulnerable. I have witnessed physical, mental and spiritual transformations result from the simple thought of wanting a better life.  These changes are not a result of a longing for more money or fame.  These changes are happening because we as humans are awakening to an inner desire to become the truest and best version of our self – whatever that may be. We are trying.

“For those of you who don’t know, December 21st 2012 is regarded as the end of a 5,125-year-long cycle in the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar otherwise known as the Mayan Calendar. New age interpretation of this date is that it marks the start of a time in which Earth and its inhabitants will undergo a positive physical or spiritual transformation, and that it may mark the beginning of a new era (Note: Various astronomical alignments and numerological formulae have pointed to this date though it’s still debatable).” – The Lotus Effect.

I am taking a leap of faith and following my instincts.  Something good is coming.

All I know for sure, is that it is my job to prepare for it.  Not the typical preparedness that involves formal education or purchasing emergency goods, but rather internal preparedness.  I have never been this focused or passionate about caring for my mind, body and soul and helping others around me.  I know with every fiber of my being, that now is a time to feed my body nutrient rich food, sleep well, exercise and purify my body of toxins. That now is a time to quiet my mind and be open to new possibilities.  Now is a time to be patient, forgiving and speak with more love than ever before.

Yes, just like that, I can feel something good is coming.

What have you been experiencing?  Any tips, advice or ideas to share?  Please, all thoughts are welcome.  We are in this together.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

I Wish I Were Able

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The Daily Post has issued a Weekly Writing Challenge to finish the sentence: “I wish I were”.

I have spent a lot of time learning to love and accept myself for all that I am and not to dwell on the things I wish I were.  I have made the choice to change the things in my life that I wish were different, either by action or perception.  But for the sake of the question, I will play along. Maybe I wish I were able to fly? Maybe I wish I were wealthy or a Nobel Peace Prize Winner?  Yes, those things would be nice, but the answer does not satisfy me. In order to find the answer, I quieted my mind.  Completely void of all thought, I posed the statement again. Ah, yes.  My answer. My truth.  My greatest wish.

I wish I were able to share the joy of loving yourself. 

If someone had asked me five years ago if I loved myself, I would have rolled my eyes, answered “yes” and thought to myself what a ridiculous question that was. Of course I loved myself.  Maybe someone with low self-esteem or battling depression would answer that they don’t love themself, but c’mon, the majority of us love ourselves. Don’t we?

Today I would argue there are many people that do not truly love themselves.  Why do I believe that, you ask?  Every time I hear someone tease or bully, I do not hear love, I hear fear. When I listen to someone boast at length why they are the best on their team, the smartest in their office or the most good-looking person at the beach, I do not hear love, I hear insecurity.  When I hear people gossip or speak negatively of others and belittle other opinions, I do not hear love, I hear a plea to be accepted.

In my experience, realizing you truly love yourself is like the first time you have a serious crush, and you wonder if you are in love.  You think you might be in love.  You think you are.  This has to be love, you assure yourself.  Then one day, you really fall in love.  Head over heels, shout it from the rooftop, make your head spin and your knees weak, love.  And once you recognize that you are in fact in love with this person, you realize the time(s) you thought you were in love, you really weren’t.  Yes, you loved and cared for the person, but you were not in love with them.  This is love. Now that you know what being in love is, you can hardly believe you thought you were in love before.

When you are in love with someone, you want nothing more than for them to be happy.  Their joy brings you joy.  When they are sad, hurt, grief stricken or filled with sorrow, you would give your left arm for them to smile again.  Their success is your success.  You are willing to move cities, change jobs, cancel plans, quit smoking, lose weight, attain more education, all to make them happy.  Their happiness is your happiness.  This is love.

Here is a little food for thought. Are you willing to move cities, change jobs, cancel plans, quit smoking, lose weight, attain more education, in order to make yourself happy? Do you have faith in yourself?  Do you believe you are worthy of love and all of the good things in your life? Do you believe you deserve to be treated well, with kindness, honesty and compassion? It took me years of self-reflection and working on myself to reach the point where I can say “yes” to all with complete confidence.

A few years ago, I decided to finally put myself first.  I realized that the key to happiness could only be found within and that I needed to fully explore what that really meant.  I removed all previous notions about what I thought I needed to be happy and started to pursue the people and activities that brought me happiness.  During my period of self exploration (which is now ongoing) I learned a lot about myself, the need for forgiveness, the importance of acceptance and how to be patient.  I learned to just be.  I learned to exist in the moment and to be happy with who I am.

Years ago, I never would have been able to say out loud that I am proud of myself.  Now, I can tell you that I love how kind and accepting I have become. I think it is wonderful that people can change and that I give them a second (and sometimes a third and fourth) chance.  I think my sensitivity and vulnerability is beautiful and strong.  I think it’s endearing how gullible I am – it means I am a believer.  I love how open and resilient my heart is. I am grateful I see the world in all its many shades and revel in the beauty. I love that I enjoy spending time alone as well as making hoards of new friends.  I love that I love me.

This love I have found for myself has taught me to be patient, kind and accepting.  Loving myself makes me love the world more and all of the people, creatures and plants within it. I wake up alone every morning, feeling more loved than I ever could have imagined someone could feel on their own.  I wish that everyone knew this kind of peace.  This kind of joy.

I wish I were able to share the joy of loving yourself. 

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Once Upon a Plane

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We embraced.  I held her in my arms, gave one last squeeze and released.  The cab driver grabbed my luggage, tossed it in the trunk and gave me a glare that seemed to say “Hurry up, Miss. I haven’t got all day”. Sadly, I slunk in the back of the cab and waved goodbye to my best friend.  We had just spent an amazing week together exploring the boroughs of New York and it was time for me to return to the land of perpetual sunshine and surfboards. As the cab pulled away, I watched her fade into the distance. There she was, standing in front of a beaten and bruised brick building in Brooklyn, adorn in a brightly patterned dress and about to walk back in to a room filled with artists and life enthusiasts.  And there I sat, about to head home to a place I couldn’t have been more disconnected from.  My bright eyes dulled by a city of people wanting nothing more than to conform to the norms of society.

Tears filled my eyes as we pulled on the freeway.  Slowly, the city started to escape me.  I could feel my friend growing farther away from me and the city fading away, as if it were only a dream.  My heart and soul screamed inside me, begging my mouth to speak.  Wanting my hands to pull at the door handle and for my legs to sprint back to the city that felt more like home, but all I could do was try and stifle the tears. My fear of the unknown kept me from charging after the life I so badly wanted and kept me paralyzed in the stale smelling cab heading to JFK.  Brimming with tears and not wanting to cry in front of the cab driver, I tried to think of happier thoughts.  Then the rain began to fall.  With each drop that landed on the window, it became more difficult to contain them.  The rain grew in its intensity and with it, my emotions.  Finally I gave in, and slowly and quietly I let the tears roll down my cheeks, matching in rhythm the rain drops that were washing away the dirt and grime on the streets of Manhattan.  By the time we arrived at the airport, I barely had the strength to thank the driver, grab my bags and head inside.  It was as if my heart had become filled with lead in an attempt to anchor me there.

I checked my bags, made my way through security and melted in to a worn chair in the terminal.  Secretly I hoped that the rain would become a storm and that the flight would be canceled. To my dismay, the woman over the loudspeaker assured me not to worry, that the flight would depart as scheduled.  When my section was called, I gathered my things and made my way to the plane.  Typically I would scan the aisle intently, searching for the most handsome man or most interesting person to sit next to.  This time, all I could manage was to look for an empty seat.  Front, back, aisle, window, I could have cared less.  As soon as I was situated, buckled and strapped in for the long flight back to San Diego, the speaker announced that we would remain on the tarmac for another 30 minutes while we waited for the rain to lift.  What a tease!  Torture.  The city was holding me in her grip.  A half answered prayer, I was allowed 30 more minutes to dream, yearn and reminisce on my week there.  I drifted out of the moment and in to a vision of museums, parks, Broadway Shows, night clubs, lost purse adventures, exotic men, oysters at Grand Central Oyster Bar and laughter and dancing with my best friend and partner in crime. Damnit. Leaving her and leaving the city was harder than I expected.

Achoo!  The guy sitting next to me sneezed.  Without thought, I responded “God bless you”.  A few minutes later, he asked if he could borrow my phone to make a quick phone call.  Extremely embarrassed, I told him I didn’t have my cell phone with me and explained that I left my purse in a cab the first night I was in New York, basically gifting my iPhone to the cab driver.  He smirked, gave his sincerest condolences for my loss, and thus began our flight long conversation.  From take off to touch down, we spoke on nearly every topic imaginable.  We talked about our childhood, discussed our education and what was lacking in it, complained and shared hopes for our careers.  When it came to our shared passion for music, I think we babbled on for two hours, maybe more.  He, a song writer, guitarist and cello player.  Me, a singer and lover of most genres.  Album names, specific songs, feelings evoked, memories attached – all of this explored as if it were part of a very serious social experiment and study.  We continued on.  We shared our stories of falling in love and tales of heartbreak.  We both had experienced betrayal in our heartbreak, and we shared the dirty details.  Details that may not have been shared with more than a few close people in our lives.  We unleashed ourselves. For nearly seven hours, we shared our stories and were completely vulnerable knowing we most likely would never meet again.

When the wheels touched down, I felt renewed.  I had found someone that understood every word I spoke and I was confident that I would find more like minded souls to join me on my journey. Somewhere in the sky, I had found peace.  Maybe it was over the Rockies or during the rant about our shared disdain for laundry; but somewhere along the way, I became calm and comforted.  This was the first time I was able to pinpoint in the exact moment why someone was sent to me. I knew it then, and I know it now.  When our conversation began, I was sad and discouraged.  By the time we hugged and waved goodbye at baggage claim, I felt like a brand new person. My worries and doubts were gone.  Any sadness that lingered in my heart was over powered by the beauty of our connection.  It was a first glimpse at the simplicity and power within our connection as humans.  That moment captured me and stays neatly tucked in the corner of my heart.

Life is a series of moments.  Some fated.  Some serendipitous. Some happenstance.  In each of these moments, there is an opportunity to learn a life lesson and more about yourself.  That rainy April day, I learned a lot.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  My airplane friend and I remain friends to this very day.  In fact, I awoke this morning to a message regarding a new album recommendation.  Thank you, my friend!