Category Archives: Living

Believe

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I believe that people are inherently good.  That darkness and cruelty comes from hurt within – from our heavy and unhealed emotional wounds.  I believe that if we heal ourselves, and release our buried wounds, we can heal the world.  That if we can get to a place where we see others with our heart, rather than through our lenses of pain and insecurity, we will see the beauty and light within all beings.  I believe that once we can see that light, we will share our love, forgive our neighbors and walk the earth with renewed purpose.

I believe we are far more wonderful than we realize.  That we posses an infinite amount of love and that we are hopeful beings.  I believe we can all access this hope, love and light by taking the time to care for ourselves and by following our intuition.  Once we have begun to heal ourselves, we will begin to see a world of hope, love and light.  From this place we can work together toward building a peaceful and harmonious existence.  One in which all are loved, cared for and at peace.  I believe this is possible.  I feel this through every fiber of my being; from the depths of my soul, through the corners of my heart and within the folds of my mind.

believe

I believe that within all of us lies the magnificence of the Universe and the ability to feel the joy of it all.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Why am I thankful? Let me tell you.

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Last week I gathered with seven of my girlfriends for a lovely Vegan Thanksgiving Dinner.  We have been having meatless dinners every two weeks for the past five months and creating delicious meals that feed our bodies, nourish our souls, and we also happen to have fabulous conversation and wine to wash it all down.  When we first began to meet, we crafted our shared mission, laid out our guidelines and thus began our journey. The thing about journeys, as we have all learned, is that there is so much that is unplanned.  And there in the life and the ish and the serendipity lies the magic.

Thanksgiving is not a Holiday that I normally feel very strongly about.  By now we know that Christopher Columbus was not a very good man and that what was done to the Native Americans was cruel and wrong on so many levels. But we Americans continue to celebrate regardless.  Hopefully most people embrace this holiday as a chance to reflect on what they are thankful for, what makes them grateful and then share these feelings with close friends and family.  I’m not sure about most families, but mine doesn’t typically reflect aloud (although I don’t believe I have ever initiated or suggested that we do). I simply take a moment and say my thanks within my mind, and maybe send a few thankful texts and a Facebook shout out.

During our Vegan Thanksgiving Dinner, my amazing friend Kat mentioned that we forgot to say our thanks.  Wait, people actually do that?  The idea excited me, but I was immediately struck with the thought Oh, crap!  Now I need to think of something quick.  How do you say on the spot what you are thankful for?  Luckily I was second to last, so I had a little time to formulate my answer.  As my friends began to speak, I couldn’t help but to hang on their every word and was completely moved by their answers. Thanks was given for friendship while husbands were away on military leave.  For friendship during breakups and makeups and hard times. For nieces and nephews.  For making new friends, having a safe place to speak and empathetic ears to bend.  For new jobs and traveling adventures. For fertility treatment and twins on the way.  For health and success in business.

While my friends were speaking, I was hit with my answer: I am thankful to be living now, in this day and age.  As a 29 year old single female, I cannot tell you how glad I am to be living in this era.  As women in America, we have the freedom to live our lives as we choose.  Up until recently, women have had to abide by the the lifestyle laid out before them.  This usually consisted of marriage, a lot of babies and tending to the home.  In the last century, women in America have been making great strides.  We can be gay, straight, bisexual, single, married, divorced, educated, fit, overweight, employed, living on welfare, vote, travel, follow whichever religion we choose, pursue whatever career we like, have children, not have children, garden, have a personal chef.  We have the technology, the freedom and the education to play a hand in our fate. We are empowered.

I can choose the life I want and pursue it with little judgment.  Obviously there is judgment in the world, but there is more acceptance and tolerance than ever before.  There is someone in your corner now, cheering you on and propelling you forward.  A century ago, I would have been considered an old hag.  Too old to marry. An outcast.  Or most likely, I would have fallen in line with the steps of society: married, working in the home and having my fourth child. I am so grateful for the life I lead.  My friends and family accept me, I pursue every passion and idea that crosses my mind and strikes my fancy, and I express myself openly and share myself fully.  I know that for every person that judges me, there is someone else reaching out to give me a hug and thank me for being my authentic self.

I am thankful to be empowered.

I am thankful to be living now, in this day and age.

What are you thankful for?

 

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Words Came Forth

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I wished so greatly

To tell my dear

Everything he wanted to hear

Words came forth

Time stood still

What happened next

Against my will

Truth sang from my soul

Much to my surprise

He held my hand

With tear filled eyes

Thanking me deeply

Embracing me fully

Loving me sweetly

Accepting me wholly

Yours Truly,

Erin Terese

P.S. Thanks to Daily Prompt Challenge to write without 3 letter words.

Renewal

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The Daily Post issued a Photo Challenge asking bloggers to share a photo of what Renewal looks like to them.

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Life is all about timing.  If you ask any one person the same question during different times in their life, you will most likely receive very different answers.

Over the weekend I went on a short trip to Palm Springs with a girlfriend of mine.  We both had a three day weekend and were in desperate need of a mini getaway.  Luckily, it didn’t take long before the fresh air, beautiful scenery and friendly locals had us smiling from ear to ear.  While our bodies were tired from exploring, our minds were alert and thriving on the beauty around us and wonderful conversation.  Before leaving the hotel, we decided to lay by the pool in our clothes and let the sun wash over us.  Grateful for the trip and our shared joy, we laid back and let the sun shine upon us, bathing us in her beauty.

As I reclined in my lounge chair, spirit soaring with peace and renewed energy, I snapped this shot.

Yes, this is renewal.  Fresh air. Nature. A good friend. Sunshine.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Everything in Moderation

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When I look back at my childhood, there are certain phrases I remember hearing over and over again.  The one that rings most clearly in my mind is “everything in moderation”.  I cannot tell you how many times I heard this!  Every time I would ask for another serving of ice cream. Every time I wanted to watch just one more television program before bed. Every time I begged to stay longer at the park. “Everything in moderation, my dear” was the standard response. Humph!  What’s one more little scoop, one more sitcom or 30 more measly minutes at the park?

Thankfully as an adult, I understand that the line needs to be drawn somewhere.  There are only so many calories in a pound, so many hours to sleep, and so much free time in the day.  In order to accomplish all the tasks at hand and to keep a healthy mind and body, we must find the right balance and keep “everything in moderation”.  The problem here is, what is moderation?  How much is moderation?  The answer is: it varies from person to person.  This means we must be mindful in the choices we make. 

Finding and maintaining balance is an ongoing effort.  Life is constantly changing.  We have new jobs, new spouses, new houses, new debt, new friends, new stress and new health problems to balance.  Figuring out what is a perfect balance is no simple task.  Pay attention to how much time, money and energy you are expelling in each area. It may help to make a list of your top priorities. For example, mine are: 1) Family/Friends 2) Health & Fitness 3) Leisure Activities 4) Work and 5) Creative Outlet.

Once you have a clear idea of where your priorities lie, then you can look at your life and make an honest assessment of how well you balance those things.  You may find that you do an excellent job and are totally at peace with yourself.  Good for you!  But if you feel exhausted or stretched too thin, chances are you are putting more effort in to one of your priorities that doesn’t need it, and not enough in one of the others.  Balance.  Moderation is key.  If you can identify an area that is lacking your attention, make a shift and try to find the balance.  And by balance I do not mean equal amounts, I mean the right proportion.  Maybe you will only need to focus a small percentage of time and energy in one category and much more in another.

Just be honest with yourself and know that some days and weeks your balance will need to be adjusted.  Listen to your body, to your mind and to the world around you.  Take into consideration all you need and all you want.  Somewhere in there is your balance – your moderation.

Not everything we learn as children is correct.  In fact, much of it is not – but these words ring true: “Everything in moderation, my dear”.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

I Wish I Were Able

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The Daily Post has issued a Weekly Writing Challenge to finish the sentence: “I wish I were”.

I have spent a lot of time learning to love and accept myself for all that I am and not to dwell on the things I wish I were.  I have made the choice to change the things in my life that I wish were different, either by action or perception.  But for the sake of the question, I will play along. Maybe I wish I were able to fly? Maybe I wish I were wealthy or a Nobel Peace Prize Winner?  Yes, those things would be nice, but the answer does not satisfy me. In order to find the answer, I quieted my mind.  Completely void of all thought, I posed the statement again. Ah, yes.  My answer. My truth.  My greatest wish.

I wish I were able to share the joy of loving yourself. 

If someone had asked me five years ago if I loved myself, I would have rolled my eyes, answered “yes” and thought to myself what a ridiculous question that was. Of course I loved myself.  Maybe someone with low self-esteem or battling depression would answer that they don’t love themself, but c’mon, the majority of us love ourselves. Don’t we?

Today I would argue there are many people that do not truly love themselves.  Why do I believe that, you ask?  Every time I hear someone tease or bully, I do not hear love, I hear fear. When I listen to someone boast at length why they are the best on their team, the smartest in their office or the most good-looking person at the beach, I do not hear love, I hear insecurity.  When I hear people gossip or speak negatively of others and belittle other opinions, I do not hear love, I hear a plea to be accepted.

In my experience, realizing you truly love yourself is like the first time you have a serious crush, and you wonder if you are in love.  You think you might be in love.  You think you are.  This has to be love, you assure yourself.  Then one day, you really fall in love.  Head over heels, shout it from the rooftop, make your head spin and your knees weak, love.  And once you recognize that you are in fact in love with this person, you realize the time(s) you thought you were in love, you really weren’t.  Yes, you loved and cared for the person, but you were not in love with them.  This is love. Now that you know what being in love is, you can hardly believe you thought you were in love before.

When you are in love with someone, you want nothing more than for them to be happy.  Their joy brings you joy.  When they are sad, hurt, grief stricken or filled with sorrow, you would give your left arm for them to smile again.  Their success is your success.  You are willing to move cities, change jobs, cancel plans, quit smoking, lose weight, attain more education, all to make them happy.  Their happiness is your happiness.  This is love.

Here is a little food for thought. Are you willing to move cities, change jobs, cancel plans, quit smoking, lose weight, attain more education, in order to make yourself happy? Do you have faith in yourself?  Do you believe you are worthy of love and all of the good things in your life? Do you believe you deserve to be treated well, with kindness, honesty and compassion? It took me years of self-reflection and working on myself to reach the point where I can say “yes” to all with complete confidence.

A few years ago, I decided to finally put myself first.  I realized that the key to happiness could only be found within and that I needed to fully explore what that really meant.  I removed all previous notions about what I thought I needed to be happy and started to pursue the people and activities that brought me happiness.  During my period of self exploration (which is now ongoing) I learned a lot about myself, the need for forgiveness, the importance of acceptance and how to be patient.  I learned to just be.  I learned to exist in the moment and to be happy with who I am.

Years ago, I never would have been able to say out loud that I am proud of myself.  Now, I can tell you that I love how kind and accepting I have become. I think it is wonderful that people can change and that I give them a second (and sometimes a third and fourth) chance.  I think my sensitivity and vulnerability is beautiful and strong.  I think it’s endearing how gullible I am – it means I am a believer.  I love how open and resilient my heart is. I am grateful I see the world in all its many shades and revel in the beauty. I love that I enjoy spending time alone as well as making hoards of new friends.  I love that I love me.

This love I have found for myself has taught me to be patient, kind and accepting.  Loving myself makes me love the world more and all of the people, creatures and plants within it. I wake up alone every morning, feeling more loved than I ever could have imagined someone could feel on their own.  I wish that everyone knew this kind of peace.  This kind of joy.

I wish I were able to share the joy of loving yourself. 

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

Who is This Person Before Me?

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There were a number of things that I was expecting to happen during my Sober October.  I expected to have more time to work on side projects, extra energy from eating healthier and resting more, and weight loss from not drinking and increased physical activity.  As expected, all of my expectations came to fruition.  Oddly enough, the most difficult to measure was the weight loss.  This could have been the easiest to measure if I owned a scale or had taken measurements of my body, but I did not.

I wouldn’t say that I have body image issues, but I have found myself in the past becoming obsessed with the scale.   If the scale said I gained 1.5 lbs, or heaven forbid 5 lbs, losing it became my primary focus.  I wouldn’t feel pretty or desired until I could get the number back to where I wanted it.  This pressure and obsession added so much stress and was completely unnecessary.  Once I realized that the scale was doing me more harm than good, I ditched the scale and tried to maintain my weight (or lose weight) based off of how my clothes fit, how I felt and how I looked naked standing in front of the mirror.

It’s been almost two years since my last serious weight loss attempt.  Generally I don’t wear very much makeup or spend too much time doing my hair, so I really don’t spend a lot of time in front of the mirror. The week we started Sober October, I took a nice long look at my body to see where I was starting and decided to do weekly mirror checkups in order to track my progress.  By the start of week two, I could already see that my stomach was flatter.  I was expecting even more progress by the start of week three.  So there I was, standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror two Sundays ago, eyeing my body for progress, and it looked the same.  Frustrated, I twisted and turned, sucked in my stomach and flexed my muscles – no apparent weight loss.  But then I noticed something.  I pulled my face closer to the mirror and there they were: wrinkles.

I had seen them before, but never paid them much attention.  I stared and gazed.  I winked, smiled, frowned, feigned shock and watched the lines move with my face – and watched some stay. Curiously, I looked back over the rest of my naked body and analyzed it with new eyes.  Nothing drastically different, but somewhere along the line my body became that of a woman.  I have always had a curvy, feminine figure, but I no longer looked like a girl.  I looked like a woman.  You would not see my body and mistake me for a girl.

This was not what I was expecting to happen this month.

Obviously I am aware that I am not a young girl anymore – I am 29 years old and will turn 30 in March.  I am an extremely self-sufficient adult, motivated and independent.  How is it just now hitting me that I am a woman and no longer a girl?  Maybe it is because I am single and without children.  Maybe if I were married with kids, I would have recognized the change earlier.  Not that there even was so much of a change, but more of a progression.

I have been so wrapped up in “finding myself” and learning to find peace, compassion and patience.  So much time spent healing issues from my past and learning to manage stress and everyday living.  It has taken me a long time to learn how to be present and live fully within the moment.   The one thing I forgot to do was to look at myself with a fresh set of eyes.  To ask myself:  Who is this person before me?  Tell me about her.  What do you think about her?

I answered very honestly.

Strangely, I have a new found respect for myself and my body.  There is no doubt that I have high self-esteem, that I love and appreciate who I am,  but this month I found respect for myself.

It’s  interesting when we have our Aha moments;  you never quite know what will trigger them or what you will discover.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  What Aha moments have you had?  How did it happen and what did you realize?

A Moment of Revelation: Mind, Body and Heart.

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I do some of my best thinking while driving in my car.

This has been an interesting week and month – lots of thinking to be done.  When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining and there was a dusting of clouds against the beautiful blue sky, and I felt renewed.  This was going to be a good day. I could feel it! I shared a few positive tweets, Facebook messages and texts, and my heart swelled with love.  Finally, I was back in the peaceful state of mind I have grown accustomed to over the past few years.  The struggles I had been rolling over in my mind melted away and I allowed the light and love to pour into me.

While driving in my car, I tried to recall what I had done that brought me back.  What had happened that brought me back to this wonderful state of calm?  Instantly I  realized that I had restored the balance in my mind, body and heart.  I have been working toward realigning my mind to a peaceful place, my body to be healthy and thriving, and my heart to be open. Mind, body and heart. Mind, body and heart.  Today they aligned and I feel beautiful, loved and capable. Mind, body and heart.  The trinity of me.  The trinity of you.  The three things we must align for a peaceful and loving life. Wait, did I just say trinity? As in the Holy Trinity, like Father, Son and Holy Spirit?

Stay with me for a sec. This is where I started to trip out too.

I have long since believed that religion and our view of God is a way for us to understand life, how things work and how we work.  Each religion takes a different perspective on what/who God is and what all of that means.  I was raised Catholic, but have distanced myself from the Church as there were too many things that did not align with what I felt in my heart.  And the idea of God floating up in the clouds looking down on us, just didn’t feel right to me.  I feel like God is something that unites us all and is present in everything, but I have yet to fully understand this and I am working on connecting the pieces.  Yes, there are some Catholic beliefs I do not agree with; but there are many wonderful things I have learned that have stuck with me.  All of the lessons about being kind, how to treat your neighbor and how to treat and respect yourself – those lessons are tucked within the folds of my heart and ever present in my mind.  Lessons about being kind, loving and grateful.  Lessons about sympathy, empathy and doing what is right.  Lessons on forgiveness, love and family.  You find such lessons in most religions.  Most religions emphasize the importance of caring for your mind, caring for your body and caring for your heart (soul).

In my recent quest to find myself and a greater meaning for my life, I have been paying a lot of attention to other peoples’ views, ideas and feelings.  I have been reading and listening to the thoughts of others with a careful ear and open mind and heart. There is an idea out there, a belief, that we are God. God lives within us.  We are all connected and are a manifestation of God.  When the word trinity rolled through my mind today, I thought I might just be on to something here.  I have long believed that we interpret certain universal truths the best way our human minds can, and assign them names and values to the best of our ability. Words like God, soul, love, connection, dream, devil, redemption, miracle, right and wrong – all ascribed to feelings we try to understand.

Now, here comes my moment of revelation.  My thought: during mass and prayer, it is common practice to say “The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit” while signing the cross on your body.  The Father: touch your forehead (the mind).  The son: touch your lower chest or navel (body). And the Holy Spirit: touch each shoulder once (your heart and soul lies within). Tears welled in my eyes at the thought of this.

I am getting closer. This makes sense. Mind, body and heart.

I really do some of my best thinking while driving in my car.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

P.S.  What do you think?  I welcome any comments or feedback.  Still mulling this over…

It’s strange, the feeling of numb.

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It’s strange, the feeling of numb.

I normally am overflowing with emotion.  The growing presence of lines on my face pays tribute to the laughter, shock, smiles and awe that are regularly expressed.  Today I am blank – other than some tears that brim in my eyes.  But not wanting to feel them anymore, I push them down and back in as best I can. You can only cry for so long.

A friend of mine was caught in the middle of a senseless act.  I am not at liberty to share her name or information about her as the media is chomping at the bit to share the details with the world, and her family is trying to cope and wrap their head around what took place, what is happening now and what life is going to look like going forward.  I am waiting for details.  Yes, I know she survived, but that is all I know.  Not much detail as to the extent of the injuries or how everything played out.  All I know I have learned from texts, Facebook messages, one 30 second phone call and the dirty details of the incident in general played out on the news.

I can only imagine what is going on in the hospital. What is going on in her mind. How her family feels.

But really, I do not know much.

It is interesting, this feeling of numb.  I could research the psychological reasons why, but I don’t need to.  There is only so much intense emotion your mind can handle, before it starts to administer a natural sedation of sorts.  I am grateful for it.  The time will come when I know what is going on and my emotions can play out in the form of a smile, relief, a tear, worry, concern, happiness… But for now, I will embrace this feeling of numb after almost a full day of intense concern and sadness.

(Just needed to vent a little to you all)

Have you felt the numb?  It’s been a while since I have…

Yours truly,

Erin Terese

A Rose By Any Other Name

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“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”

Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, 1600.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.  How very true, this notion that it doesn’t matter what you call something; it only matters what it truly is. But do we all apply this in our everyday life?

Let’s say for example, we have a woman named Jane.  Jane grew up in Ohio, has two loving parents, three siblings, is a widow with a four year old son, and is wickedly smart, funny and kind.  She is a wonderful friend and the kind of person that would give her jacket to a shivering stranger.  Now, what does Jane do for a living?  Jane is a Politician. Jane is a Pediatric Nurse.  Jane is a Preschool teacher.  Jane is a Preacher. Jane is a Prostitute.  Is Jane by any other name, still as sweet?

Think about that for a second.

Did you hesitate for a moment on any of those occupations?  And if so, why?

People are complex.  It can never be as simple and as black and white as you may like it to be.  We all possess many character traits, attributes, strengths and weaknesses.  What is important to remember, is that you should not discount someone or their character because of one thing.  It is not black and white.  One thing does not cancel out another.

Jane is wickedly smart, funny and kind.  She is a wonderful friend and the kind of person that would give her jacket to a shivering stranger. 

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I am going to carry this thought with me today.

Yours truly,

Erin Terese